When you find “the one”, will you finally have a successful relationship?  My experience tells me that you won’t find “the one” because they don’t exist.  However, you can find the one thing you need to have a successful and loving relationship—humility.

When I was in year 12, I dated a guy from my class.  He made me feel happy and loved.  He made me feel fulfilled!  I enjoyed spending time with him.  Soon I was spending a lot of time with him so I stopped hanging out with my friends and other things I had previously enjoyed.  After a year, he broke up with me – I was completely heartbroken.

What was missing in this relationship?  Humility.  Humility is necessary for a loving relationship – love does not exist without humility.  I was mainly concerned with myself: my satisfaction, my fulfillment, and I believed my boyfriend should meet these needs.  I was temporarily satisfied because he made me happy, however it was not a healthy relationship.  When it ended I had nothing left.

I’m going to share with you how you can learn humility through the person of Jesus Christ and therefore have successful relationships.

I: Copy Jesus

Jesus was humble. He lived a perfect life, yet he was tortured and then killed like a criminal. He was nailed to a cross with a crown of thorns on his head.  It was humiliating.  That sounds like genuine love to me, not self-serving love.  

II: Know why Jesus died

Jesus died for our sins.  Sin can be described as our mistakes, selfish actions, and attitudes.  It says in the bible “..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).  Basically, this means that we have all done things that we know are wrong (big or little), and because God is perfect He cannot be near sin – it is the opposite of who He is!  Our sins have incurred a penalty that we cannot pay ourselves, but when God sent perfect Jesus to die on the cross, he paid that penalty for us.  It says in Romans (again) that “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8).  Jesus suffered greatly to pay our penalty for us.  To pay your penalty for you.  Knowing that Jesus, who lived a perfect life, died for our sins, brings humility.  If we really believe that Jesus made this huge sacrifice for us, it should lead to some kind of response.  This response will help us have humility and love in romantic relationships.

III: Love Jesus

The response is to love Jesus.  He gave up everything, including his life, for us.  The least we can do is put Him at the centre of our lives and love Him more than anything (or anyone) else.  The more we get to know Jesus, the more humble we will become.  The more we love Jesus, the less we love ourselves.  And the coolest thing is that Jesus will never let us down.  Every romantic partner we have will inevitably let us down (because people are imperfect!), but Jesus is perfect and holy and will always come through for us!

Back to my story: I met a nice guy called Glenn in 2012, who eventually became my husband.  When we first started dating, we only saw each other two or three times a week, yet we were satisfied.  That is because first and foremost we had satisfaction in our relationships with Jesus Christ.  And we are still satisfied first and foremost by Christ, and totally committed to one another and our marriage.  

Are you still looking for “the one”?  Are you frustrated that everyone you have dated has let you down?  Perhaps it is the time to stop looking for “the one”, and to start looking for Jesus.  Jesus gives us the humility we need to have successful and loving relationships in life.

Words by Kahlia Thomas